Become a Wicked Stepmother in 4 Easy Steps

Stepmothers are a common theme in fairy tales. Sometimes, as is the case with my most recent story The Six Swans, it’s a wicked mother-in-law but the themes and actions of the story are the same. I mentioned this thought to my friend Alabaster (you might remember her from this guest post) and she told me she’s made a study of wicked stepmothers and has some advice for those of my readers who might be interested in taking the wicked stepmother career path. I’m happy to say she volunteered for another guest post.

Mrs. Alabaster Daisy has been studying the residents of the enchanted forest for some years now. She has a FTB (Fairy Tale Bachelors) in the Habits of the Fairy Tale World, and has been featured in Forest Fairy Daily sharing her expert tips on life in a magical land. Let’s hear what she has to say:

Alright ladies, here is another post just for you! I know not all of you are going to find your true love, even if you follow the advice in my last post. Although I have no idea what it would be like to be alone and miserable, I do sympathize with you because I have a GREAT imagination! Being beautiful and loved isn’t for all of us, if you choose to follow a different path filled with lies and vengeful thoughts, to that I say, “you go girl!”

4 Steps to Becoming a Wicked Stepmother

1. Get a stepchild

This is the most important step. Don’t worry if you have children of your own. In fact, you can use this to your advantage by setting your new and old children up against each other. It’s best if your stepchild is a daughter. Girls get a lot more sympathy from crowds. If you are tormenting a girl, your wicked rep will spread like wildfire. If the girl is pretty your chances are even better. Also no need to worry about the child’s father. You don’t have to like him. Seven out of ten fairy tale fathers die within the year after they remarry so chances are you won’t have to put up with him for long!

Note: If you can’t arrange to become a stepmother some women have found much success as wicked mother-in-law. A good example of this is found Manelle’s story The Six Swans

2. Find a reason to be jealous

Being wicked for no reason at all can bring you some success, but Wicked Stepmother’s who are the most successful have a deeper drive that spurs them through any rough patches they encounter on their climb to ultimate wickedness. If your stepchildren are loving and well behaved, it can be a lot harder to keep your ultimate goal in mind. The greatest solution I’ve seen for this is to keep a burning fire of jealousy stoaked in your heart at all times. Examples of the most common jealousies include: jealousy of beauty, your husband’s attention, or your drive to elevate your own children above that of your stepchildren.

3. Use your Jealousy to spur you forward.

The actions for this step are a little more vague as what you do depends on what you have decided to become jealous of (see step 2). Being jealous of beauty, for example, gives you many options. Examples include:

a. Have the beautiful child work all day in rough and dirty conditions until she is ugly. Then you will shine all the brighter.

b. Send her away to a horrible place where you won’t have to look at her and where she will be miserable.

c. Do what you can to make her appear rude and haughty. People will look past her beauty and hate her all the more.

d. Or a classic move is to try to dispose of her by “other means” if you get my drift (lol ;).

As you can see, the possibilities are endless. Once you get to this step you are well on your way to becoming infamous for the wicked deeds you dream up. Nothing can stop you at this point…except one thing. That brings us to step 4.

4. Never EVER forgive anyone!

Forgiving even just one time can be a downward spiral into cheerful days full of light and flower gardens. Forgiveness brings a sense of freedom and joy. As a Wicked Stepmother you must not let the temptation to feel these things overtake you. It is very important to feel angry and have the sensation of carrying giant boulders on your shoulders (look that rhymes!). Use these feelings to take action. If you find your self feeling anything such as love, compassion, empathy, or freedom, you must take steps immediately. Here are some great actions you can take to thrust that happy feeling into the dirt and bury it for all eternity:

a. Yell at servants or minions when they don’t deserve it.

This will make you feel guilty. Guilt is a great way to keep yourself miserable.

b. Stay out of the sun.

The cheerful sunlight can bring a healthy glow to your skin and help clear your mind. Staying in the dark keeps you depressed. An underground lair is best for avoiding daylight but dark heavy curtains can be just as useful in a pinch.

c. Find a support group

There are more of these cropping up in the enchanted forest lately. I hear they are great for your wicked morale and can be full of ideas to keep you on track.

That about wraps it up ladies! I wish you all the misery in the world as you pursue your dream of becoming a wicked stepmother!